It's Not That I Have Given Up on you, Blogger...

I've been consumed by my overly dramatized quarter life crisis, well maybe like 1/3 life crisis, I'm not sure I want to see 100 years of age, old Asian is not a good look on anyone. I am so passed over this ridiculous, pity party I've been having for the past 3 months. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. My Redbox movie that ended horribly and was terribly sad was 5 minutes late, after I spent the entire ride being violated by the seat on a bicycle made for someone 4 inches taller than me. I also came to the realization that after years of harassing and mocking my Asthmatic friends, Karma (and my general disregard for any kind of healthy lifestyle) has caught up with me, and will soon be seen carrying an embarrassing inhaler of my very own.

Unhappiness with how my life was going is what led me down this path, in hopes of finding fulfillment, happiness and just some peace. 350 miles isn't that long, but I may as well have moved to Alaska or Fiji as far from home as I feel. I miss my friends, I miss my family (even the crazy members, which is actually all of them), I miss lunch with my dad and "Goodnight yellow monkeys". I cried over my girl Kins not being in a crib anymore, the baby I've told since she was in utero how we were going to be the best of friends and have since weasled my way into her family and have the privilege of being her "Aunt Tuna". I will have been here 5 weeks and home 2 weekends after this weekend, so actually it's a good thing I didn't move to Alaska or Fiji, 10-12 hour one way trip seems silly for a weekend. It feels like every time I think I've caught a glimpse of the light at the end of this awful dark tunnel, I catch up to it and find out I was wrong, and turn the corner to a darker, longer tunnel. Between a broken transmission; an uncle whose life I think ended too soon, and I failed to take the time to say good bye to; and a huge set back on that damn CPA path, now would be a perfect time to overlook all the good and wonderful people and gifts I have here, and start second-guessing and doubting the decisions that have brought me here.

"Life is not a dress rehearsal" though, as my dad told me, and wasting time on pity parties is selfish, spoiled behavior, especially when I'm so blessed with a great job and surrounded by loving, wonderful friends, "family". Friends who take care of me, drive me around when my car is at the doctor, and just generally entertain and love me.

I am a better person than that. Regardless of whether I act like it or not, I did just have a birthday, which by general consensus, is ahem...well into adulthood. As an adult, I made this decision, and again, whether I like it or not, it's up to me to make it the best decision.

Oh, also, Blogger, I've been neglecting you because, due to the combination of the liquidation of Borders and not having cable in my room, I've become an avid reader. So far I love love love Freakonomics, maybe, dare I say it, more than Chelsea?

Thanks for the pep talk Blogger, love you!


Popular Posts